THIRTEEN THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN THE SIX MONTHS I’VE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR TWO
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN 2018
1. It's okay not to be okay.
I've learned that my emotions are valid. I have every right to feel the way I think, whether it's anxiety, frustration, anger, or depression. They always fall on a large spectrum of feelings, and every one of these feelings, no matter how small, is valid.; there's no 'wrong way to feel. When you have feelings of numbness or even desensitization, this doesn't mean you're broken; it means you're human. You should not invalidate whatever it is you're feeling, and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty for it.
2. Making my mental health my first priority
Making the realization that I needed to make my mental health my first priority is a lesson that I wish I had learned earlier in life. It's hard to understand why things are happening and taking action to make sure they don't happen again. When I started to make my mental health my first priority, I started listening to my mind & my body more, which helped me begin to recognize when I need to step back & take time for myself.
Once I started to learn that my depression relapses weren't going to stop (before I was diagnosed), I decided to make a change. I began to advocate for myself in ways that I had not done before. I tried new medication & I also asked to be tested for bipolar.
3. Find the best way to listen to yourself.
Everyone, including the people who don't struggle with their mental health, needs an outlet to get their thoughts out and process everything. As a writer, I've found journaling is the best outlet for me. Whether it's for content on my blog or for personal reflection, it helps process what's going on.
4. Sing
As I'm writing this, I'm jamming out to Lady Gaga's 'Alejandro.' I'm very passionate about music & the way the words can heal. For a long time (and still to this day), music has been spiritual to me. The artists have a way of connecting with you on a level that sometimes you don't even recognize. I love jamming out; with the music so loud, everything is canceled out (my sisters can attest to this) so I can drown out all of my thoughts; if only for a little while, I forget about overthinking and overanalyzing situations that I can't control.
5. Stop comparing yourself with your idea of perfection.
With my anxiety and depression, I regularly overthink and overanalyze situations that have happened and plan out conversations and situations; when I have no control over either. I often compare myself to who I feel I *should* be and where I *should* be. I've learned that things often don't go as you planned, and comparing yourself with your idea of perfection because you thought your life would look differently at this moment is not a great mindset to be in.
6. Sometimes you have to be a friend to yourself — so be a damn good one.
I regularly have seasons of loneliness, and I'm currently in one now.
've realized that outside of my college/high school relationships (where I'm secure), I don't know who I would call if I wanted to go on a coffee date or just hang out. I've been back in Charlotte for about a year and a half, and I haven't made close friends.
I know with my college/high school friends, most of the time, I'll be initiating everything first. But I'm confident in that relationship because I know where I stand with them, and actions speak louder than words.
But with these new connections/ friendships that I'm building, I'm learning that I don't want to, nor should I be the one who's always initiating things first. I want people to be in my life because they want to be, not because I'm forcing them to be in it. Friendship needs to be reciprocated, and I'm learning what I want that to look like.
I'm so passionate; I put my whole heart into everything I do. But, I'm also very authentic, I'm true to who I am, and I don't try to hide it.
I think some people might be afraid and turned off by that.
God has really been speaking to me about timing. Timing with jobs, friendships, etc...
He wants me to make sure I'm letting the right people into my life for the right reasons and that those individuals reciprocate my intentions. He doesn't want me to fill this season and upcoming seasons with individuals who bring me joy and authenticity into said friendships.
My point is: you have to be a friend to yourself and learn to love yourself before friendships fall into place. So have alone time with yourself, listen to your mind and body, and be a damn good friend to yourself because sometimes that is all you have.
7. Drop "should" from your vocabulary.
This is a hard one to paint over after years of using it.
When I stopped using "should" in my vocabulary, it worked wonders for my mental health and helped me stop comparing myself to my idea of perfection. My therapist has taught me to stop 'should-ing on myself.
When you use the word should it often represents unrealistic standards set by yourself or others. It doesn't matter what you 'should be doing or not doing, or how you 'should feel. All that matters is how you think because the way you feel is valid. Thus, making it through the next minute, hour, or day because you're honest about how you're feeling, and you are taking steps to identify and not giving up on recovery.
8. Your anger is often a mask for hurt, fear, and sadness.
I've learned that I often try to push away my emotions. I stuff them deep down, and all that does is build up more and more inside you. Identifying my repressed anger has been a running theme in the last six months.
I'm not an angry person but identifying my repressed anger led to my diagnosis. Also, I can identify that my anger was primarily focused on the oppression I have faced and the circumstances that I've been dealt and how I navigate through life. So being able to sit in whatever emotions I'm feeling — and identify that yes, I'm angry and it's okay — helped me actually deal with coming to terms with oppression I have faced and the circumstances that I've been dealt with.
9. You need to build up your own support group.
I've learned that I don't have to do this alone and not be ashamed of my situation.
I'm still building up my support system in the Charlotte area, and being authentic and genuine to myself and being honest about my situation helps. Finding individuals I can lean on, trust, and have honest conversations around mental health is significant to me when looking for a support group.
I'm not alone in this, and people want to hear my story.
10. Ask "what if it works out?" instead of "what if it doesn't?
It's in our nature to want to worry about the worst-case scenario when you're thinking about the future or heading into a new experience. Still, I've learned to stop that negative thinking in its tracks by wondering about the best-case scenario instead, which is just as possible. I try to give my brain the chance to ruminate on a successful outcome, refreshing and empowering. Unfortunately, with my anxiety and depression, I regularly overthink and overanalyze situations that have happened and plan out conversations and situations; when I have no control over either. My therapist taught me to think about best-case scenarios as worst-case ones, especially in this season of unemployment.
11. Don't just say "I hope" — make a strategy.
Sometimes having hope isn't enough; there needs to be a strategy in place.
Shifting the focus away from you wanting something to you getting it really helps your mindset. You allow yourself to believe that you will achieve your dreams, rather than it being an idea in your head.
Making goals and checking them off takes you one step closer to your dreams.
12. Self-care looks different for everyone, but try to figure out what things make you feel better and take the time to do them
I've started to call myself the self-care queen recently. This year I realized that I needed to make my mental health my first priority, really implementing that philosophy in the last 6 months. When I started to make my mental health my first priority, I started listening to my mind & my body more, which helped me begin to recognize when I need to step back & take time for myself.
My favorite self-care methods are:
Binge-watching Netflix
Journaling/Blogging
Listening to music
Reading
Having quiet & alone to reflect & process
Take naps
These are the self-care practices that work best for me --- If you need a place to start, make a list of things you enjoy & things that help you recharge. Then, come back to that list when you need some 'me time.
13. You're allowed to say "no" and set boundaries in your life.
My therapist taught me that saying no and setting boundaries is a form of self-care. I am allowed to tell people no and do not have to give a reason for it. Also, I didn't have to feel guilty for not wanting to do it. Setting boundaries and saying no allows me to take care of myself and listen to my body needs.
